An elderly woman that had lost her husband a couple years ago decided that it was time for a new husband. So being the old fashioned woman she is, put an add in the paper. It stated. Looking for a husband. Must not run around. Must not hit on me but must also be good in bed.Well one day she heard the door bell ring. When she answered it, she was shocked to see a man in a wheelchair with no arms or legs.
Man: afternoon ma'am. I'm here about the add in the paper.
Woman: you? But your in a wheelchair.
Man: well you see I have no legs so I won't run around on you.
Woman: agree's
Man: you see I have no arms so I can't hit on you.
Woman: yes that's true. But are you good in bed?
Man: I rang the doorbell didn't I.




Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desperate that he went to her and said " I'll give you 100 dollars if you have sex with me." The girl looked at him shocked and said "hell no!" He said it'll be real quick I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend over and get it, and I'll be finished by the time you've picked it up! She thought for a moment and told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, " ask him for $200. Pick up the money really fast, and he won't be able to get his pants down!" She agreed and accepts the proposal. 30 minutes go by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriends call. Finally after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and ask "what the hell happened!" Still breathing hard she managed to reply, " that bastard had all quarters!!!"

a fat kid chased a bus cause he thought it was twinkie